and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Dignity is for republicans.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
