So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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