It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im holly from the hills drunk
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
