i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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