I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
