everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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