the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
