Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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