My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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