i just wanna soil my oats bro
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
