she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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