Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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