I just saw a hot homeless man
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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