and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
