he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
