i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I believe in your delicious
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize