yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
