Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
