He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
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Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
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I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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