well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
