I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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