I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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