I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
