i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
