You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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