that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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