your thong is hanging out like whoa
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
