i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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