ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
