Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
