Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
