I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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