you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
