There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Sacagawea was the original milf.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
