Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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