i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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