you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
