When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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