They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
