What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
