I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize