He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
