Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my liver is dry heaving
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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