It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
