If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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