Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
