It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
