The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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