Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
