So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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