so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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