I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
