Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
