I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
