she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
