my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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