You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
