At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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