Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
