I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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