if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
