she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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