i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
