he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
