Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
