so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
