When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
