I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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