there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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