Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The power of my boobs compel you
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
