So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
