I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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